Be who you were meant to be, now
The accomplishment of the goal does not exist in the future.
It exists right now, in the small actions you take in alignment with the person you want to be.
I have made a lot of mistakes. A LOT. I’ve done things I spent a long time being ashamed of (until I learned to forgive myself). Yet I still did them. At the time, I knew on some level it didn’t feel right but I did it anyway. It wasn’t until an incident a couple of years ago where I really recognised my power and choice in this.
If you are really clear on what feels right and wrong for you, you can make a clear choice to act in accordance with that - to be in integrity with yourself. If a situation asks for you to act out of integrity, it is not the situation for you. Point blank. Period. Find another way.